Valentine's Day Horoscope
Curious about what the stars have in store for you and your love life? Read on to find what our in house expert, Dr. Love, has to say!
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Neptune fosters fantasy and this is your month to shine! Spice up your relationship and you will see all your problems disappear. If you are single, you are not likely to meet anyone anytime soon. Maybe next year broaden your horizons–go on exchange or if you take a new seminar.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Mercury shifts perspective and inspires love. If you’re in a couple you must know that your other half is probably cheating on you. It is time to find someone new, and no day could be better than Valentine’s Day! Go out and you will not be disappointed.
Gemini (May 21- June 20)
The upcoming full moon night is when you will finally realize your true sexuality. You might want to find some new lovers so you can experiment. Pay more attention to those around you, there is someone in your class looking at you with hungry eyes.
Cancer (June 21- July 22)
Pluto’s powers say you should up your sex appeal. On this beautiful Valentine’s Day go to class with your best outfit and the placement of the stars will finally help you find someone for you. You have been alone for too long and you deserve to be happy. However, if you are already seeing someone, the stars say that you should break up soon. It will not work for much longer.
Leo (July 23- August 22)
Saturn is on top of the galaxy which means you are expecting great changes in your love life. You will find a new lover in dancing classes (which IE provides for free, so go for it!). If you are already seeing someone, that person will propose to you tonight– so make sure to be ready for it.
Virgo (August 23- September 22)
The alignment of the stars is on your side and this is the best week of the month for you. You know you are not made to be with only one person. Enjoy promiscuity as long as you can. However, try to be more discrete: it is a small university and you do not want a bad reputation anymore.
Libra (September 23- October 22)
You can thank Jupiter because you are the only sign that will not have a terrible horoscope this week. Your best friend is actually the love of your life. Now that you know, stop wasting your time and go knock on his/her door with some champagne to celebrate the love and passion that is to follow later in the night.
Scorpio (October 23- November 21)
It is your nature to give a lot. Stop giving. From now on you should just wait in your house and if someone really likes you that person will find a way to get to you. If you are already seeing someone be prepared with a Plan B, just in case.
Sagittarius (November 22- December 21)
You have to find yourself a Gemini. The moon’s alignment with the starts and the sun predict a perfect match between the two signs. You have been chasing the wrong person. Let go of the others and find out which one of your friends were born between 21st May and 20th June.
Capricorn (December 22- January 19)
I am really sorry to be the one announcing that you will be spending this Valentine’s Day alone. People are just not good enough for you. When the sun and the five stars will join, you will find someone. Don’t hurry, as this could be in 10 or even 20 years. Be patient and do not lose faith.
Aquarius ( January 20- February 18)
Happy birthday Aquarius! You are too romantic and that is probably why you are alone right now. Stop idealizing other people and do not base your expectations on romantic movies. Go for that teacher that you like, maybe someone older will appreciate your feelings better.
Pisces (February 19- March 20)
The new moon appears to be on your side. If your couple life is starting to bore you, you should try to swap partners. Maybe with that other couple you usually double date with! If you are alone then go find a lonely couple to have fun with, everything that happens on Valentine’s day stays on Valentine’s day.
Are you having troubles in your relationship? Want advice with a crush? Write to us at ieustork@gmail.com and we will have our in house expert, Dr Love, answer your questions!
Disclaimer: The content of this article is intended for satirical purposes only. The Stork is not liable for any relationship trouble caused.
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