Homesickness: What is It and How Can We Cope With It?
Since you got to University, have you ever found yourself missing a certain thing from back home? Maybe speaking your native language, the food that you had back home every night for dinner, or a specific sweet or treat they had in all of the bakeries?
Sometimes you just want to gossip with your best friend who also started University, and your schedules or time zones just do not match, or your grandma, who cannot use her phone properly so you are not able to thoroughly talk to her when you call her, or maybe the weekly dinner you had with your relatives, or even - and that happens a lot - your beloved pet. Moving away from home is not an easy decision, much less an easy task - and one of the biggest consequences of it is having to deal with missing home.
So if any of the above situations happen, or any other similar case, it might mean you are feeling homesick. Let’s back up a little bit - first of all, what is that?
“Homesickness is an emotional state; a mental response triggered by the absence of what is familiar to us personally, socially, and/or academically. We humans are sentient creatures of habit. As a result, whenever we permanently change our physical environments, there are times when our minds resist or needs time to make sense of what is happening inside and around us”, Taiki Kubota, Director of Mentoring & Counseling, explained.
One important thing to know is that it happens to almost everyone at some point of the year, especially because for a lot of people, it is their first time living away from home, and they have to deal with responsibilities whilst being immersed into a new culture. However, it is okay to feel this way sometimes - it does not mean you are not enjoying college or that you want to go back home, it is just that you were used to a lifestyle your whole life and your world just changed completely.
Homesickness is not something set, it can come at different times - it may be triggered by a smell or a phone call, coming and going all the time - or it can come and stay for a few days, possibly weeks even. Furthermore, it works differently with each one of us, depending on a variety of reasons (culture, closeness to family and friends, how much contact we have with them, how used we are to being away, etc) - so if your friend is feeling it too but they react differently than you, that is totally normal.
Further on, how can we identify it? According to Taiki, some of the symptoms one might be feeling include:
Constant reminiscing of one’s life prior to coming to University
An overwhelming sense of sadness
Loss of appetite, or a sudden increase of it
Insomnia
Social isolation
Low energy
Difficulties to stay focused
Constant daydreaming
Irresistible need to staying in touch with one’s family frequently and continuously
Now, how can we make it better?
1. Overexpose yourself: you should go out of your comfort zone. Hang out as much as you can with your new friends, and make an effort to meet new ones too, try to adapt to the new culture, experiment the new foods and everything Spain has to offer. Travel somewhere nearby for the weekend, or go to that party even though you might don’t feel like it - you will not get better if you don’t try. Create new experiences for yourself.
2. Transform your new house into a home: if you miss your bedroom back home, then use the same color scheme to decorate your new one, or bring specific stuff that is significant to you. For example, a picture frame or a present you got from a loved one, and use it to make your new living space cozier. You need to feel comfortable in your new living situation, and although it might not feel like it, even the smallest of gestures can make a difference.
3. Find people from back home: I’m not saying in any way that you should only hang out with people from the same culture - don’t do that. It is important to have your own group of international friends and get to know people from all over the world. However, every once in a while, it would be nice to speak your native language to someone, or cook the food that you are missing and craving so badly, and that could help you feel closer to home.
4. Take a break from Social Media: Social Media is many times the only connection you have with back home, but constantly keeping up with what your friends and family are doing can make you feel even more frustrated and sad. So, every once in a while, staying away from Instagram and WhatsApp for a couple of days could actually help you feel better. If that is too hard, try to limit your Social Media consumption at least - this way, you don’t have to completely change your daily social media routine.
5. Spend some time alone: feeling lonely is a huge part of homesickness, yes. However, being alone and feeling lonely are not the same thing. So although it may seem like it will make it all worse, being alone can be very refreshing. You get some time to take a breath and process everything that is going on, and you can read your favorite book or watch your favorite tv show. It is a good break when you are feeling overwhelmed.
6. Keep doing what you love: if back home you always went to the gym, then join the gym! If you were in a sports club or would often volunteer, find ways to do that here! If they don’t have the specific club you were looking for - then gather some people and create it! There is no such thing as too many clubs, and IE is always open to listen to new ideas. So, get out there and keep up with some old habits. This is not only limited to sports, but avoiding a sedentary lifestyle is very important too.
7. Create a new routine: yes, keeping up with some of the old habits is important, but you should also use this opportunity to create new ones. You will never be able to have the exact same life you had back home, so use your time here wisely and get a new hobby, learn Spanish, or even something simple such as writing on a journal or cooking dinner every night.
8. Treat yourself: this one is very open - do that the way you feel it is best. If treating yourself is taking a day off and watching Netflix while snuggled in a blanket and with a face mask, then do that. Maybe it is eating loads of junk food for a few days, or quite the opposite, looking after your body and eating super healthy. Whatever it is, you should do that every once in a while, taking a small break from university and focus on de-stressing.
9. Talk to others: opening yourself up can only help. People won’t judge you - chances are, they are feeling the same, or have felt it at some point. As a matter of fact, by telling your friends, you will probably get support or help from them. On that note, IE provides professional mentoring and clinical sessions in case you need them - they will try to help you in every way possible, and it is confidential - so don’t feel ashamed of asking for it (in case you need it, just email mentoring.IEU@ie.edu). It is okay to ask for help, and sometimes necessary, specially, if the feeling persists for over three weeks.
Feeling homesick is normal, but everyone feels it differently and each person has their way of dealing with it, so if it is happening with one of your friends and their mood changes, offer to help them, or just give them a break. But the most important thing is, don’t feel ashamed at all, it is one of the steps of moving away from home and adapting to a new place.
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